Love Language

I took the love language quiz and found out that I am highest on quality time, with physical touch second. I learned while taking this quiz that I don't really need gifts like some people do. I know people care about me when they want to spend time with me. It was interesting because I was talking to my friend Blake about this, I had text him the day before and asked why he "hated me" haha because we never do anything. Well Blake found out that I am all about quality time and realized that I asked him why he "hated me" because we never spent any time together. I am all about the quality time, it is such a big deal for me. When people don't spend time with me I really do assume they just don't care about me and don't care to spend time with me. Which is not a big deal for me, it just means I spend less time on building that friendship/relationship. Interesting.

Things As They Really Are

Elder David A. Bednar
"If the adversary cannot entice us to misuse our physical bodies, then one of his most potent tactics is to beguile you and me as embodied spirits to disconnect gradually and physically from things as they really are. In essence, he encourages us to think and act as if we were in our premortal, unembodied state. And, if we let him, he can cunningly employ some aspects of modern technology to accomplish his purposes. Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, ear buds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the Internet that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person‐to‐person communication. Beware of digital displays and data in many forms of computer‐mediated interaction that can displace the full range of physical capacity and experience... To feel the warmth of a tender hug from an eternal companion or to see the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared—all of these things experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body—could be sacrificed for a high fidelity fantasy that has no lasting value."

A text message could never replace a hug, no matter how sincere or heartfelt. There is something about human interaction, in person, there together, that makes a huge difference. My cell phone can't hug me, neither can my computer; that is something that I sometimes need from a REAL person, have their arms around me, and to feel loved. Nothing, in my eyes could ever replace a hug. If I had to trade my phone in for the opportunity to be hugged everyday, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Crumpled up paper...

We talked this week in communications class about defensiveness, and some things that we do when we get defensive. So I called a friend of mine, because he said he had time to helpe, to fill out the assignment for class and explained all of the different mechanisms to him and starting asking him which ones he thought I was, or what I did when I was on the defensive. Then he told me that he couldn't remember all of them, so I decided to go through them one by one and he agreed that might work, when I started doing that he admitted that he wasn't paying attention or listening to what I had been saying. I got frustrated and disappointed. So I crumbled up the paper, told him it was fine and said goodbye. I put the crumpled piece of paper in my backpack. During this all he told me that one thing I do when I get defensive is that I just take "control" and end the conversation or say that I'm not gonna talk about it, or refuse to talk about things that I don't want to discuss. I guess this was a prime example of me doing this. Well two days later I am sitting in class and we start discussing the assignment and Sister McKenna chose some people to share their experiences and what others had told them about their defensiveness. Of course she turns to me, so I point to the smoothed-out paper sitting on my desk (luckily I had kept the crumpled paper in my backpack and pulled it out when we started talking) and told everyone about my experience. It was a big hit and a good visual lesson of my frustration. Yay for that little crumpled piece of paper!

Being Positive

Well today in communications class we talked about confirming and disconfirming messages that we send to people. Let's just call them positive and negative. There seem to be more negative ones, than positive ones which is pretty sad. Well anyway Sister McKenna said that we need to giving 5 positive messages for 1 negative message, so for the next few days I am going to try and give more positive messages to people than negative ones. Yahoo. I once heard that for one negative comment it took 14 positive comments to make up for it. I remember making one of my friends do this for me because he had said something rude. It was pretty entertaining to see him come up with 14 really random, but positive things. It's probably best to be positive all the time.

"Love Isn't Always Enough"

"Love Isn't Always Enough"

I heard this in my communications class the other day. Mostly it was in the context that you can't just love someone, but you need to be able to communicate with them as well. Love doesn't fix all problems, but if you love someone that you are willing to communicate with someone and work out the situations or problems. If you love someone than shouldn't you be able to communicate with them honestly, to be open with them and not lie to them. If you love someone don't they deserve for you to be honest and open with them. Love isn't just about the warm fuzzy feelings, but about communication and really learning who a person is. Love is being willing to do anything for someone, isn't it? "When I say, 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or beacuse I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, and what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity what you are. You're a hell of a woman." (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Relationships

We have been talking about relationships (intimate ones) this week in our communications class... and though the following article I found has nothing to do with intimate relationships it still deals with relationships we have. I find this story, sad, shocking and appalling. It makes me grateful to parents who love me, but also makes me acknowledge the difficulties we all have in our lives, and truly, "whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger..."

Mom Kills Son for Potty Training Accident, Then Eats Pizza
by Julie Ryan Evans
"Potty training is one of the most frustrating parenting experiences I've faced, but I still can't muster even a fraction of an ounce of empathy for Robin Greinke, 26, an Illinois woman, who along with her boyfriend beat her 3-year-old son to death because he wet his pants. Once they were finished, and he lay nearby dying, they ate a pizza and watched a movie.

Greinke and Steven Neil, 33, admitted that they took turns beating the boy for more than an hour after he had an accident February 8 while they were visiting Florida. "They were upset with him and they tossed him and spanked him and punched him," a homicide investigator told Central Florida News 13.

After enjoying themselves with the pizza and movie, Greinke finally called 911 around 5 a.m. to say her son, Noah Fake, was wheezing, and she couldn't sleep. She couldn't sleep. No one with even a hint of a conscience possibly could, but apparently she has none.

If it was a rash incident, it wouldn't make it any better, but at least there would be a tiny hint of understanding of how someone can snap. Potty training can be brutal, but this? This is truly one of the most horrific, unconscionable acts against a child by his own mother I've come across. It makes me physically ache to think about what this child endured.

I just can't imagine what cold, callous people these individuals must be, and what an awful life this boy must have led during the years he was alive. With a mother like that, I can't imagine they were anything but awful. I don't want to believe he's better off dead, but he would likely be better off anywhere than in the care of a woman who could not only kill, but sit by and chow down on dinner afterwards. Monster is the only word for someone like that, and no alcohol or drugs or anything else can provide even a hint of an excuse for these actions.

The couple has been charged with aggravated child abuse, child neglect, and first-degree murder. Greinke was denied bail on Saturday and remains in jail and on suicide watch. I hope they watch her closely, because she doesn't deserve such an easy escape from her actions.

While I don't support the death penalty, it's cases like this that make me question that stance. I hope whatever punishment they face is as severe as the law allows and that they never get to enjoy a piece of pizza or view a movie ever again."

Relationships

The following question came up in class: "If your really good friend was in a bad/unfaithful relationship, would you tell them?" I was kind of surprised at how many people wouldn't tell their friends if they were in a bad relationship, saying that it's that person's business what they do. It reminded me of a time in my life when I was dating someone pretty seriously and we had been talking about getting married. We had been on and off a few times, but I knew that I loved him. We had been ring shopping and planned when and where we would get married... I was ready to give up everything to be with him. I remember one night I came home from being with some friends and I started telling my roommate something about this boy I was dating, let's call him Chase. So there I was talking about Chase and decided it was time to go to bed and as I was walking to my bathroom my roommate said, "Wait... I wasn't sure if I should tell you this or not, but I think you should know. I saw Chase at a school event tonight and he was holding another girl's hand... and kissing her." I knew she had seen Chase before and I trusted her, so I went to talk to Chase and it was all true. Not to mention he had been dating this girl for a few weeks (while we had been talking about our wedding). Ouch. If my roommate never would have told me... I don't know what would have happened. I am so grateful that she did tell me because it made a difference in my life. It was hard, it hurt and it sucked; but I will forever be indebted to her for telling me. I am sure that it wasn't easy for her, but I am grateful to her. Telling me was the right thing to do.

Everyone has a different journey...

We had some presentations in our communications class and one of the presentations was about perception. We had talked about this a few weeks ago but I guess that the thing that hit me the most is the skits they were doing. The theme was centered around a missionary who had come home early from his mission (for medical reasons)... and someone who had written him a letter basically saying that they knew he wouldn't stay out and had been taking bets to see how long he would last. Basically just tearing this poor kid down and telling him that he was a failure and everyone knew it. It touched a heart string because I have known several people who came home early, or even didn't go at all. While we were talking in class Sister McKenna said something that I really appreciated... something to the effect that life is unpredictable and everyone's journey is different... none of us go on the same path in this life. We all have different trials and difficulties that we go through in this life, we can't judge someone else from where they have been or what they are doing because we really don't know what they are really going through. Life is different for every single person... we're all running the race of life, but it's not a competition; we should be helping each other along the path.

Are You Listening?

An interesting thing happened today in class. Half of us were asked to leave the room, and when Sister McKenna came out she told us that we needed to go sit next to someone and tell them about a life-changing event that had happened in our lives. So the first thing that pops into my head is Euro's death (which I wrote about in a blog a few weeks ago)- and so I go in and sit down next to a guy named Brett and start telling him about Euro. He was blatantly not listening to what I said... it made me not want to keep telling the story so I skipped some details so I could just get the story done and over with as soon as possible. Then when I got towards the end Brett turned towards me and started listening very intently. I was so shocked by the sudden turn-of-events that I laughed a little because I thought he was ridiculous. I of course realized that them not listening was part of what we were supposed to be learning in class. (Brett felt horrible after for ignoring me most of the story and apologized, bless him.) I learned that we need to be better listeners if we want to build relationships with others and give them our full attention because they deserve it. I felt horrible when I could tell that Brett wasn't listening and I wouldn't ever want anyone else to feel like I did.

Non-Verbal Communication

1. What is one thing you do well - that has a positive impact on your communication/relationships with others? Give an example.

I am a really good listener. I always have been. I listen to what people have to say, give them ample time to talk and ask questions that help them to open up more or understand what they are going through. I have always been someone that people felt like the could talk to.

2. What is one thing you need to improve - that has a negative impact on your communication/relationships with others? What will you do this week to improve?

Although I am listening, I sometimes give the impression that I am not, by doing other things with my hands. I am a fidgeter and I suppose it sometimes gets in the way of my communication. I don't like to sit still.

3. What did you enjoy most about your nonverbal "field trip" with the class? What are two of your personal observations and conclusions?

I loved watching the reactions of people when we did something out of the norm to see how people would react to non-verbal communication. For example the guy in the bookstore. 2 people came up on either side of him and crouched down and started passing things between his legs and then I came up and stood right behind him with my back to him looking at the bookshelf. We essentially had him blocked in and he panicked a little and took off, we didn't need to say anything but we were still communicating.

a. I noticed that people react sometimes very strongly to the non-verbal communications even though we don't say anything.
b. I decided that it is fun to use non-verbal communications to help get our point across even more. I especially loved how some people didn't even notice that my sweatshirt was on backwards and other people had to do a double take. Sometimes I guess we don't really notice our backgrounds.

"Not Bothered"

Today in class we were talking about language and my group did "equivocal language" and we learned about how language has a huge impact on what we think people are saying and what they are actually saying. Something came to mind that I shared with the class:

When I was on my mission in England, even though we all spoke English, they said some things that were a bit confusing sometimes. The example I shard today is that we would knock on people's doors share a quick intro and then ask if we could come in and share more and sometimes people would look at us and say "I'm not bothered" I took that as meaning they weren't bothered about us coming into their house and sharing this message... well to them they were saying that they didn't care and they weren't bothered about the message that we had to share. It was something that I had to learn to get past.

Another time was when I was talking to someone and they were sharing something with me. For instance this guy was telling us how the current snowstorm (which was weak by Idaho/Utah standards) was the biggest England had seen in 10 years and was stopping everything dead in it's tracks and I would say, "Are you serious?". In America most people would respond with a "Yeah, I'm serious" but in England their response would be "No." To this day it still confuses me, but I just went with it.


Just interesting how even within the same language we miscommunicate things.

The Great Measure of Discipleship

C.S. Lewis once wrote, "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would strongly be tempted to worship... all day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit..."”

We have been talking in class this week about the way that we see and percieve other people. We even took some time in class on Monday to go and and write down our first impressions of the people that we saw when we were out and about... man... some of the things I thought were fairly negative. Not all of them, some of them were nice and positive, but a majority were negative. Then we read a talk called "The Measure Of Discipleship" from a BYU-Idaho devotional by Kenneth L. Southwick... it was brilliant and totally helped changed my view of how I look at people so I ask... how do you look at and perceive people? It's probably something that could be improved on. I know I will keep trying to improve so that I can see the people around me like Christ sees them.

Something Kenneth L. Southwick says in his talk, that goes along with the CS Lewis quote is, "Let me say it this precisely, our judgments about, our conclusions concerning, and our actions toward others all grow out of how we view them. If this is the case, then the question becomes, “do we see others as a spirit son or daughter of God, as a person, as a human being, as a soul of infinite worth?” Or do we see them as something less? Or do we fail to see them at all? ...How does that work? When we see others in the proper way, we cannot help but love and lift them, just as the Savior would. When we fail to see them in the proper way, we almost always devalue and dismiss them, like Christ never would."

How do we really view people?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks shared an experience,
"I was assigned to visit a less-active member. A successful professional many years older than I. Looking back on my actions, I realize that I had very little loving concern for the man I visited. I acted out of duty with the desire to report 100 percent on my home teaching. One evening, close to the end of the month, I phoned to ask if my companion and I could come right over and visit him. His chastening reply taught me an unforgettable lesson, ‘No I don’t believe I want you to come over this evening,’ he said, ‘I’m tired, I’ve already dressed for bed, I am reading, and I am just not willing to be interrupted so that you can report 100 percent on your home teaching this month.’ That reply still stings because I know he had sensed my selfish motivation.”

How do we really treat other people?

Blue & Yellow

Last friday in class we spent some tiem talking about different colored personalities: red, yellow, blue and white. I am a blue/yellow personality and it's interesting to hear in class about the different things that I do that are a blue personality... such as making lists. I always make lists and plans and like to have those kinds of things in front of me. I think that it's interesting to see that depsite my blue side making lists my yellow personality makes me more spontaneous than a lot of people who are blue. I am always up for some playful adventure outdoors. I guess a lot has just been self reflection on what I am like and seeing how I do things differently because of that blue/yellow personality. Sister McKenna said that blue/yellows tend to get pretty high but can also go very low and I was suprised to see how well that explains me. I am normally very happy and high up in the sky with laughing and smiling, but when something happens to me or someone I love I can get kind of low I think luckily I have that yellow side to pull me back up. I love learning about personality types and have taken some other personality tests in light of talking about this one.

Self Concept Song

I chose the song "Beautiful to Him" sung by Rachel Thibodeau. It just helps me remember that in the eternal scheme of things it should be God's opinion that really matters. Obviously we are affected by the way other people look at us, and the things they say to us, but if we remember that God loves us and sees us to have great worth then we can see ourselves that way too. Our self-concept can be seen a lot differently if we are only trying to please God and be what He wants us to be. Listening to this song has helped me a lot to find the strength that I need to get to life at some difficult times. Not just concerning beauty but remembering that my biggest goal is to get back to Him. The one who truly cares about me. Reminds me also of the book, "You Are Special" by Max Lucado. It only matters what the Maker thinks, and when we remember that it changes the way that we look at life because He loves us, no matter what we look like.

SELF-CONCEPT: This song helps change the way that I percieve myself and the way I look at who I am.

SELF-ESTEEM: This song changes the order of importance of the things I think about myself. My standing with God and who I am to Him becomes more important. I place less value on worldly concepts of what is most important ie beauty, slenderness... etc.

BEAUTIFUL TO HIM
So much noise
so much peace destroyed
i can hardly hear the voice
leading me through the void
just so much noise

the world's little lies
destruction in disguise
opportunities to compromise
to make me beautiful in their eyes
but i'm not going to buy
the world's little lies

cause i define myself and find my beauty in
the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.

he's given me his trust
so i'll be strong enough
to run from a dangerous touch
i don't need THAT kind of "love
"i don't need that crutch
he's given me his trust.

cause i define myself and find my beauty in the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful to him.

I know how to shine
my life's not really mine
it's not about a worldly climb
it's all about HIS design
so in his eyes...
i wanna shine.

cause i define myself and find my beauty in the light he gives
i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live
it doesn't matter what the world believes
or what they say that beauty means
it comes from within...
i wanna be beautiful to him.

i want to live to have his peace
and feel the holiness he sees
it comes from within.....
i wanna be beautiful
to Him.

Color Code Profile

Took a color code test for my Interpersonal Communications class this week, these are my results:

Red- 18%

Blue- 37%

White- 11%

Yellow- 34%

This means that I am mostly a blue-type personality with the support of yellow-type personality.

Blues:

Core-Motive: Intimacy

Emotion Based

Control

Natural Gifts

Service & Quality

Needs & Wants

To be appreciated

To be understood

To be good (morally)

Acceptance

To reveal insecurities

To please others

Security

Most Common Strengths

Creative

Disciplined

Loyal

Reliable

Respectful

Sincere

Understanding & Caring

Most Common Limitations

Judgmental

Moddy

Perfectionist

Self-righteous

Suspicious

Unforgiving

Unrealistic